Navigating Nervous System Balance

The past few weeks have been full of conversation about nervous system regulation (what I like to refer to as nervous system balance as mentioned in an earlier newsletter topic). As I peruse social media and listen to podcasts on the subject I have been alarmed at the dialogue around the expectation that we should be “regulated” or “calm” all the time. NO!

First of all, this is not nervous system balance. As humans we have evolved to feel all the feelings, and for our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight) to activate when we are in or feel like we are in threat as a survival mechanism. It is impossible, and frankly unhealthy, to remain “calm” at all times. A constantly down-regulated nervous system is not a nervous system in balance. The only way that we can widen our window of capacity for challenging situations is to experience them and know how our body, brain, and emotional body will react. Only then can we begin to make friends with discomfort and truly begin neuropathway shift.  

Now I’m not saying go ahead and fly off the handle all the time. This is not permission to throw personal responsibility out the window. Additionally, some of us are in professions and have personal relationships where it is imperative that we remain the “calm” nervous system in the room so that other nervous systems can attach to ours and find glimmers of calm through co-regulation. Parents, first responders, and wellness professionals, I’m looking at you.

But it is also important for all of us that have to hold space to also find spaces where we can be dysregulated; spaces and communities where we are not expected to be the one keeping everyone balanced.

Plus, practicing rupture and repair with others after an activation, trigger response, or big emotional expression is how we nurture and maintain relationships and communities. If we are constantly in a state of zen, or suppressing our emotional expressions, more stress, tension and bypassing can occur. Not to mention we have not widened our window of capacity, we have simply closed it.